I really miss him. I just feel like, you know, friends that are so close they're connected and crap. that was us. for the first time in my life. oh well. I love that man so much.
I still want to screw him badly, I just couldn't bring myself to break it as much as I want to have sex with him. and I still do, but it's really different once you truely feel in love it's weird.

It's just less about, hey. his dick is awesome, he's got the motion with the ocean, to like, purely you're awesome. You're a lovely, great human being. I want to be intimately close with you. I love you deeply. I want to feel you, feel you close to me to on my skin.

Of course, I never did have sex with him. I don't believe in having sex before marriage. But if I did it with anyone it would be with him.

Our love is weird. Maybe it is true love, I think it is. I can't find a book that describes anything about our breakup. We still talk, but I'm trying to give him his space and not be like I miss you but I really really do.

He resonated with my soul. Like, two bubbles came together as one like in Soul Eater.




I can't ever explain it like I want. But I try to give it a shot. It's just so deep in my being, and I don't want to be creepy about it. I've never felt this way about another human before. I'm introverted, I have a bubble, but I loved him getting in my bubble. I've never connected.



sigh....but it's over. But I still love him. and he still loves me. so we have this friendship. and I love it. but I still, wish somehow. lol. I am a woman..I guess. But I know better.

I hate that he activated my pussy and made me realize I don't like being alone and single. I'm introverted still but dang. I miss him.

My strength is just a face I put on....but I do have a strong will.

You learn who your friends are through this.

I cried only once today, which I call good. even though it was hardcore it was only once.

I actually miss having a man to do stuff for me, something I've never missed before. I was just getting used to it too.

I miss his jokes. and the way he felt. the way I felt his electric energy, like warm water. The way he cared. I miss him as a whole. Yeah, I went overboard but I really didn't care about his long hair or his beard. I actually really liked it for once. But me saying I didn't was me lying to myself because I did and it was unlike me, but I think it was just that I loved him.
oh well.

I went to Sonic without him and got some ice cream. It was hard, but I did. I wish I had gone that night with him, but I didn't want to hold him up. I thought he wanted to go.

I'm going to have to get a cat or something.....

I hope I get into grad school, because I keep on thinking I'll find a man there while I'm in my program.